Mouse

For the math-brained otakus out there: What do you get when you add Cowboy Bebop and Lupin III minus everything that makes either one good? Mouse, of course!

The premise is literally the DVD of Lupin III, the one that, according to your parents, you already have. Containing "high intensity" action sequences with some ecchi gags. Unlike Lupin III which is classy, Mouse is cheap, scuzzy and grotesque.

The characters in Mouse include Mouse, a thief, whose real name is Sorata Muon, this is all we really know about him; Mei Momozono, a pair of breasts; Yayoi Kuribayashi, another pair of breasts; and Hazuki Kakio, yet another pair of breasts. Does anyone see a pattern here?

Now for the...

"plot".

First the opening, which is by far one of the most annoying painful to watch sequence I have ever bore witness to. You may think I might be exaggerating with this, but you would be WRONG; very, very WRONG. The visuals is a knockoff James Bond/Cowboy Bebop intro sequence featuring simplistic animation sequences and a look into the budget, which seems to have had 97.5% allocated to jiggle physics and unrealistic ones at that. Also, what is up with the theme song? It gets reused throughtout the show, but the version used for previews of the next episode is like the Japanese version of "It's the Nutshack". Have a look at the lyrics for this version:

Now for episode one, which starts off with the most ridiculous heist I had seen *THUS FAR*. (Oh don't you worry it gets dumber from here). It concerns a precious artifact, which Mouse steals by SINKING THE ENTIRE BUILDING INTO THE GROUND AND THEN TAKING IT! This raises more questions than I know where to begin. For example, how was the building sunk into the ground? Why was this done, could a more conventional heist have sufficed? How was security? The list goes on and nothing is explained. Instead, the next heist is set up, as a result from a challenge from the commissioner to steal the tallest tower in the area, again he does this IN THE MOST CONVOLULTED WAY POSSIBLE. This time he goes to a foreign country ASKS TO BORROW SEVERAL MILITARY SUBMARINES, WHICH WAS GRANTED TO HIM, NO LESS. He then uses them TO PULL THE TOWER (a waterfront building) OUT TO SEA. Again, innumerable questions come up surrounding this, mainly how was it done? An explanation is provided, but only comes across as confusing and shows a disregard for physics. And did I mention the poor animation of this scene? Well, that is a recurring problem throughout the more intense action scenes, but improves for moe and ecchi segments, agaim, signs of budget mismanagement. Episode 3 lacks a heist, but chronicles the set up for one. Honestly, this was one of the most intriguing episodes, but lazy writing pulls through and a plot contrivance, maybe even a plot hole occurs near the end of the episode, where a member of the police force has a "hunch", which is exactly what Mouse has planned. Yet again, how did this happen? Too many coincidences and moments which seemed insulting to my intelligence. Anyway, episode 4 is the execution of this plan and some improvisation, which had me so confused. Something to do with a hologram projector and using a jewel to produce multiple images (which is not how it works), Mei is a stand-in Mouse and, oh yeah, she gets shoot, but apparently is no longer injured at the end of the episode (which canonically occurs later that same day). Episode 5 focuses on a new tool that a scientist, who, mind you, has not appeared prior, and KEEP IN MIND, ALMOST WE ARE ALREADY HALFWAY THROUGH THE SERIES! The tool is able to scan peoples minds and upload their memories on-line. However, YET AGAIN, has no clear grasp of HOW SCIENCE WORKS. Yes, brains transmit electric signals, but one does not simply encode the brain and upload it on-line. If so, then why can't I get a new brain from The Pirate Bay? Trust me, at the time of night that I am writing these reviews, I need it. Tangent aside, the plot is as predictable as an episode of Wow-Wow Wubzy, and a very scummy one at that: one of Mouse's assistants, Hazuki Kakio, decides to test the machine in the name of Mouse, but things run amok and Mouse must save her by entering into the machine himself. Apparently, Hazuki has multiple personality disorder and somehow the computer program separates her personalities and turns her state of mind back into a young child. If you are reading this and are thinking "WAIT, WHAT?!", let me just say you are not alone on that. Episode 6, is the resolution to this, with a subplot featuring some minor characters, who manage to find their way into Mouse's hideout (I know that they have been in previous episodes, but they have had no more than 6 minutes screen time across all of them). Of course these plots are quickly resolved, but not without somehow ripping off Sailor Moon/Carcaptor Sakura with a "Mahou Shoujo" (i.e Fairly Odd Parents) transformation of Hazuki, which included a staff with a half moon and a usage of powers to open up doors to find each of Hazuki's selves. Episode 7 covers Yayoi's backstory and how she was afraid of men, however, one night she catches Mei and Sorata making out... IN PUBLIC, MIND YOU. The episode also sets up for another heist: one to steal a rare plant, known as rainbow grass, from a pharmaceutical laboratory, but not without a make-out scene. The next episode's heist is just as ridiculous as the other ones. it involves Mouse somehow getting someone to somehow bring in a computer virus to infect the security system by using AN UNRELATED COMPUTER, (Don't worry, though, there is an explanation, oh wait, I'm sorry, we're watching MOUSE after all), all while entering the laboratory FROM A HOT-AIR BALLOON (WITH A MOUSE PAINTED ON IT, NO LESS). I mean how conspicuous do you want to be?! If I were to go around town with a hot-air balloon, nobody is going to say nothing about. Mouse then enters the building and saves Yayoi froma fire whch she had created (out of clumsiness from a conveniently placed Bunsen burner, how tragic) and the rainbow grass which sprouts a rainbow butterfly and then the episode concludes with Yayoi forgetting she was afraid of men. By this point I was hoping that the studio would take the phrase "kill it with fire" literally, but then I realized that I WAS ONLY 2/3 OF THE WAY THROUGH. Episode 9 (and I am already at my breaking point), involves the introduction of the main antagonist, Woof. Voiced by Microsoft Sam in the English dub (which is the only option as the subtitled version is lost media), Woof is another thief working for a syndicate in charge of PRESERVING MUSEUM ARTIFACTS FOR THE PUBLIC(?). Can anyone explain to me how this makes sense? Apparently I am too stupid to understand, surely this intricate and high-brow anime has transcended above my mere comprehension, by which I can only labour under the slightest apprehension of the key symbolism hinted at as to act as an allegory for western society, right? R I G H T ? Anyway, this leads to a three-episode long final act, ending at episode eleven (do not ask what the final episode was for). Woof's target is Mouse, who, in turn, has his eyes set on an artifact known as the Heaven's Clock, a clock which never needs to be wound up. There is no heist until the next episode, but Yayoi and Hazuki are captured and replace them with impostors. That is the entire episode plot in 10 words (geez these people were without ideas). The next episode, features the heist, which is the first one that actually remotely makes sense as Mouse swapped the Heaven's Clock with a look-alike, but is stopped by Woof. Woof then have the Yayoi and Hazuki impostors try to kill Mouse (sound familiar ඞ), this is the end of that episode. Episode 11 begins with Mouse SHOCKING THEIR SUITS SOMEHOW (by this point I was done with questioning the series). Mouse said that he knew they were acting suspicious to start off with because of one time when he used a malapropism that Hazuki (correct me if I am wrong) used the day before and both of them seemed confused. Woof then reveals that he has held Mouse's girlfriend (who has had about 10 minutes screen time across the whole series) hostage for the Heaven's clock. He then hands the clock over to prevent her from being harmed, but following this, Mouse then pursues Woof for the clock in a chase scene INVOLVING A HANG GLIDER and a driving/fighting sequence which, ACCORDING TO THE LAWS OF PHYSICS, SHOULD NOT WORK, Mouse should have fallen off and most probably have been run over (which was what I kind of was hoping for, I guess). Anyway, he steals the clock and THE END, TH-TH-TH-THAT'S ALL FOLKS. Oh wait, we still have ONLY ONE EPISODE. The story for the final episode is... uh what plot now?! Nothing happens, a pure horny slice-of-life comedy which fails in every aspect possible. Somewhere in this episode Woof reutrns to say that upon the next meeting with Mouse he would not be so friendly, hinting at a sequel (at this point I was laughing imagining this actually getting the green-light for a sequel, one which never happened). The series is over and that was three hours of my life that I am never getting back.

Needless to say, this anime is terrible. You very well could derive more enjoyment from Mars of Destruction over this. But that said, there is still one redeeming aspect of Mouse. The end credit sequence probably will appeal to a lot of Neocities users as it tries to go for a web animation style, but that is about all I can say that is positive about this one. Only recommended for masochists and some *very* evil saidsts.

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